People creaming themselves over Nicki now that she’s “toned it down” and is going “back to her roots” or whatever leaves a really bad taste in mouth. Maybe all the pink drag and pop music was an aspect of herself she wanted to explore? How you even know who the “real”…
Committed relationships tend to have a level of intimacy and even dependency that is not typically present in casual BDSM partners. This intimacy can at times feel threatened by the nature of BDSM play where Dominance, submission, punishment, challenge, and the like can lead to questioning the validity of love and intimacy heretofore enjoyed between the partners. Questions along the lines of “how could he do this to me if he loves me?” are quite natural.
No matter how strong the trust between partners, feelings of disbelief that something so perverted, kinky or dirty could be enjoyable can lead to self-doubt and guilt. These doubts then lead to fear, sadness, loneliness and questioning why anyone would want to engage in BDSM play in the first place. It doesn’t matter how consensual and desirable the actions were at the time, once the head space or subspace is over, in the postmortem of Sub Drop these questions can bring feelings of sadness, questioning, disbelief and even a feeling of betrayal by their partner. This is all very normal and something that every submissive and Dominant should be keenly aware of and prepared for.
These emotions are not limited solely to periods immediately following play. They can manifest themselves during the course of a scene and a Dom, as the responsible cognizant party, must be alert for any signs that his sub is “falling out” and be prepared to stop and immediately provide appropriate aftercare.
And this is why they need aftercare. Aftercare is reprogramming the conscience that’s starting to wake up.
I feel like I’m going to be sick.
I had these feelings too, that it was perverted, sick, dirty, revolting, disgusting, wrong, abject, corrupt, and that it made me all these things. What did I do? I tried to strangle myself.
THE THING YOU’RE PLAYING WITH IS FUCKING DANGEROUS.
The thing is, this ends up being like the issue where the ‘distress in your life’ way of determining disorders runs into issues with socially stigmatized things. Like yes, if you’ve internalized and are being told everywhere that it’s a horrible thing, being gay will cause you distress!
It’s the same thing here. Even if it’s not the only source, the social condemning of kink is a big source for these feelings that are causing this damage.
feelings of disbelief that something so perverted, kinky or dirty could be enjoyable can lead to self-doubt and guilt.
those are all pejoratives society made up. And they’re very pervasive, and that does harm.
(Note: this doesn’t change the fact that the original writing is plenty problematic itself, what with using a maledom/femsub assumption for its pronouning despite talking about general things, and putting in the ‘disbelief and betrayal are normal no matter how consensual the actions were’ bit without addressing how that logic is used to gaslight people about actual consent violations.)
And I think causing such feelings in people you beat up is perverse. There’s a reason why they’re socially stigmatized: because they’re wrong.
***********Questions along the lines of “how could he do this to me if he loves me?” are quite natural. ***********
They even admit it.
This is revolting, abuser logic. The entire dynamic consisting of degrading, physically and psychologically abusing someone, and when they are depressed and anxious about it, even for fucking WEEKS afterwards? Manipulate them back into it by showing affection and telling them they loved it that the whole thing was consensual, enjoyable even though the sub is breaking down. I’m nauseous.
BDSM causes PTSD which comes as a surprise to absolutely no one.
"fight like a girl" is meant to imply weakness, but some girls don’t play nice.
♥ available for a limited time only ♥
Mouse! These stickers!!!!